My first experience with meditation was like a “bootcamp”….as “taught” by a man I lovingly refer to as the “Meditation Nazi“ (think Soup Nazi from Seinfeld) His instructions were “Sit Down in a cross legged position, connect your thumb and index finger in a “mudra”, close your eyes and focus on your breath…..DON’T MOVE. I’ll let you know when 15 minutes is up”.
The bootcamp/”buddhacamp” was every day for 30 days at 4:20am. We started at 15 minutes and progressed to 1 hour. Silent, seated meditation. No guided visualization, no mantra…Just the instructions not to move and to focus on our breath. Sounds simple enough, right?!….
I refer to it now as the “Are We There Yet?” syndrome My mind wasn’t used to being still. It reminded me of traveling with young kids and their incessant “Are we there yet?” until you reach your final destination. Only in this case my “destination” was sitting still for 15 minutes. 15 minutes might not sound like a long time, (when you’re doing something else) but 15 minutes of sitting still for me was like the longest car ride in history. It went something like this….
Minute 1…This is going to be a breeze…all I have to do is sit here for 15 min? No problem. Focus on my breath….I can do this….
Minute 2…How long has this been? (Are we there yet?) It must be at least 10 minutes by now…My legs are killing me…
Minutes 3 to 15…. My back is killing me. How long has this been already…? (Are we there yet?) Okay…focus on your breath….you can do this… Wow…my leg really hurts…I wonder if this could permanently damage my knees…okay…focus…just breathe….focus on your breath….The person beside me is really breathing heavily…I wonder if they have fallen asleep…I can’t believe how tired I am… why do we have to do this at 4:20 anyways…oops…focus on your breath….watch your breath…just breathe….Hey I really like that song“Just Breathe” by Faith Hill…(mentally start to sing it)….Oh, I wonder how long it’s been…(Are we there yet?)
15 minutes…Final destination.
But an amazing thing happened as the days went on…I began to realize that nothing was permanent. The sensations (pain) I felt in my body moved and changed, and I learned that I wasn’t attached to the thoughts or emotions that surfaced. It was a powerful lesson for me that I didn’t have to try to change my experience of things- that I could be aware of what was going on within me without judging it as “good” or “bad”. Just to be.
And I was hooked…
So, the moral of the story is…don’t give up. Your mind may try to play tricks on you in the beginning (Are we there yet?) but if you stick with it you’ll notice amazing changes in all areas of your life. Not just when you’re “Sitting Still”….
Where do I sign up? If only I could find the strength and time alone to sit and listen…., really listen. I’m envious of this new found existance – perhaps you can show me sometime! Great entry.
I can totally relate to that experience! I think Meditation teaches us discipline as well as quieting the mind. It takes practice but it’s worth it!! As for finding the time, well 4.15am is usually available for most people, lol.
Your teaching method will be wonderful if you have this kind of “sense of self”. Wish I could take some of your instruction.
Very encouraging thoughts – nice for you to share them in your new blog. I look forward to the next entry!
Great description Tammy-cute and humourous! I can totally relate to the random stuff you start to think about! And the movement of pain and thoughts to a space of just being…and that just being becomes a divine experience! Who knew you could experience heaven by doing and being nothing! Now, the trick is to be able to apply that just being to our “busy, normal lives”! kinda a oxymoron! keep writing Tammy!!
I think I would be the guy next to you that was asleep if I had to sit still for that long. Maybe if a sick kid was sitting on me.
I can’t wait for our first session Tam, please call and we’ll try and get this set up.
You are an amazing young woman, I am thrilled that you have found your niche.